SHORT STORIES

GROSS PSYCHOLOGY

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“Have you ever stopped to think that maybe I am not ready to be a wife yet? That maybe, offering to be my husband is a proposal too soon for a girl trying to grasp her place as a woman; whose ideas are different from her mother’s time?” Linda queried her boyfriend of one year and three months over their dinner date.

You see, Linda is not allergic to marriage but she knew that marriage was a big deal that will need not just her love but her time, energy, money and then again, was her effervescent persona: She is outspoken and blunt, she needed someone who will be also accommodating of her excesses as they came in full dose.

Excesses she has acquired as a girl who had to take on the realms of parenting her siblings at an early age of sixteen after her parent’s demise.

She single-handedly trained herself through school, professionally worked her way up to a managerial position and it does seem that this experience has left her somewhat an “Alpha Female”.

Certainly, marriage is a very big decision that required her full sense and at the moment she was half way filled with wine to succumb to this lifelong contract with a man who can barely stand her for using her voice.

Lawrence shot a look back to her and in a raised voice sternly asked, “Time? Energy? Money? Did I tell you I can’t take care of you? At least I have not done a bad job for the past one year.

Are you saying it is not enough?”

“No baby”, Linda answered but he would not hear any more of what she had to say. “Oh please!” He shouted down on her. “Do you know how many women out there who are dying for a proposal? I am a very good catch and you should thank your stars I even proposed so soon.”

At this point Linda was already worked up. “What!” She fired back at him, “I should thank my stars? Why? Because I am not a good catch as well? Look Lawrence, you are a very nice man but I am not going to flatter you anymore than this so understand one thing, this is not about you and your big bloated ego, I am not ready to be your wife yet, if this simple English is too big for your head to deal with, then please let’s discuss something else.”

Lawrence angrily got up and without saying another word, left, leaving Linda to pay the bills and find her way back home. A reaction Linda swore was a sign from God to end things now with him.

Still bewildered, she reached for her bag to settle the bills and find a taxi back home but lo and behold, it was not in sight for she had left it in Lawrence’s car.

“Oh God!” She exclaimed, what will she do, panic crept up on her and she immediately lost taste for her food. After she calmed down, she called Lawrence on his phone but he had it switched off so she asked to speak with the manager and explained her predicament who then kindly escorted her outside just to check if Lawrence was still there, but he was nowhere in sight.

Now exhausted, she pleaded with the manager to send someone with her to her house so she could pay her bills. Luckily for her,he agreed.

Linda was relived but still greatly pained. Ever since he proposed to her and she asked him to give her some time to think about it, he has been carrying a face with a little red flag that gives off in all their talks. He didn’t hesitate to shout at her for not happily and speedily accepting his saving grace of proposal to the prestigious haven of marriage as he puts it.

He had refused to help her out with anything or even be decent to her since then and she had clearly avoided him until he called her for this hell of a dinner.

This and so many other issues were the reason why she dragged her hands from accepting his ring. No doubt most men have their egos, but Lawrence takes it to the top, on very good day, his ego was as inflated as the price of turkey during Thankgivings. He just has a way of making everything about him and the menfolk.

She remembers the day she ran into him and his friend at the supermarket. She had nudged him and said “won’t you introduce your friend?” He got upset afterwards and told her it was not her place to ask and proceeded to give her a long lecture on how uncanny it was for a woman to be the first to initiate conversations in public.

Going through the uneventful evening gave her such a headache, she can’t wait to get home and sleep.

Few miles from her stop, she called her friend on the phone asking her to please wait outside the gate with seventeen thousand naira in cash. Thank God they had not popped the second bottle of wine Lawrence ordered before storming out on her, otherwise, she would have ended up paying no less than twenty five thousand.

Eno was shocked to hear this because Linda had told her before she left for work in the morning that she will be seeing a movie after dinner later on with Law.

Of course, Eno didn’t even let her settle down before she reeled out the unavoidable questions like a rash: “ah ah what happened nah? Where is the Law?” As they fondly call him, “You guys didn’t see the movie again?” Linda was not in the mood to answer any questions so she lied and told her she was not feeling too well and had cancelled.

Linda could not sleep, one question lingered more on her thoughts. What would she have done if Eno didn’t have any money on her? How would she have paid the bills? Did Lawrence intentionally leave without thinking about that or was it anger that made him forget that her bag contained her ATM card? If Law could behave like this with her now, what will be the outcome of any misunderstandings between them when she becomes his Mrs?

Linda could not stomach the thought of being left somewhere stranded because she dared to grow massive tits and air her opinions to Lawrence,who by the way, had the huge balls to tell her to thank her stars because he had done her the golden favor of coming to her rescue from the so called horror of spinsterhood.

This will not be the first time he has gotten angry at her for having an opinion or saying her piece of mind as it is. She was done massaging his ego with a ‘sorry please’ as she always does; all in a bid to avoid his wild anger like a plaque.

It’s three days after and the fact that he had not called to know if she got home ok or returned her bag broke something in her. Even after she left countless text messages since he has refused to pick up her calls? She decided to confide in Eno.

After Eno heard her out, she let out a laugh and replied “you and your sharp mouth sha! Why did you have to be that blunt with your words, c’mon girl, are you the only one who doesn’t know that all men are babies?” That did it for Linda as she gave her friend a very cut throat look and walked out on her.

“All men are babies my foot” she screamed at the walls in her room which in turn echoed same words back at her.

The fact that she has chosen “baby” as a pet name for him does not invariably mean he shouldn’t be held accountable for certain choices and decisions.

We all are adults’ men and women alike. Bad behavior shouldn’t be encouraged and justified by that axiom “men are babies”.
She fumed on. If only she could see the person that came up with that buzzword, she would have given that idiot a high five on the head with a hard knock to reset.

Men are often bad, babies are not.

Men are at war with themselves, babies are friendly with all.

Men are adults enough to know right from wrong, babies are not.

Men are as loyal as their options, babies are loyal without option.

Men are no babies, if anything; Men are like a deck of cards. You’ll find the occasional king, but most are jacks and that is the category Lawrence fell in after he returned her bag through the gate man, one week after with an “apology letter” that read thus:

Hello Linda
Listen up, it’s quite obvious, you cannot tell a good man even if he was your shadow,
I have waited a while for you to come to your senses and apologize
for the way you made light of my proposal.

I can see my leaving you at dinner did not quite drive home that point
I am giving you another week to finally assume your place as
a woman who will need the protection of a man and
ask for my forgiveness or else

I will call off this relationship for good, and in the future,
please be advised,it is not a woman’s place to bruise a man’s ego
especially by one as single as you
if you ever want to be a Mrs.

Signed -The Law.

Linda could not believe her eyes. This was unbelievably real. Nothing in this piece of paper looked like an apology for leaving her stranded and refusing to pick her calls. She thought of replying him with her own letter but somehow after that night, she has become a firm believer of the phrase “silence is the best answer to a fool”

She decided to ignore him and focus on herself and her promise to see her three siblings through school. A point she had wanted to explain to Lawrence why she was not eager to settle down as she will not be able to drag a man unwillingly into such financial commitment.

Good a thing two of them are in their final years and soon the burden will be lessened.

As for Lawrence and his egoistic, self-seeking and narrow minded being, she will pay him no mind for the foolishness of some men is like a well corked drink; you’ll never know the ability it has to foam and spill over until you open it.

She quickly blocked his number on her phone, and told the gate man to never let him in for any reason at all.

Somehow, she didn’t feel the need to mourn their relationship for she was greatly relieved.

Imagining what her harsh realities would have been if she had said yes made her body tremor with fear.

Indeed, boys are born but men are raised.

Vivian Belford is a lover of God and all the good things life can offer, a girly girl who believes in having fun with whatever she does. She is currently starring in her own reality show titled, Living and Dying With a Smile! Her Mantra: *Put on some lip gloss,pour yourself a drink, sit back and have a really good laugh!* The world is one big comedy afterall!!!!

1 Comment

  1. Zita

    February 2, 2016 at 2:40 pm

    Lovely story. Egoistical men!!! Keep up the work sis.

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